Detox...

I'm in the middle of a detox/fast diet.  I've had nothing but fruits and veggies for 4 days.  I have 6 days to go.  The reason being that typically I am very much aware of what I put in my body but for a few months I've been eating out more, going on vacations, skipping workouts, and the result being a loss of energy, focus, and overall well being.  So I decided a detox would allow me a fresh start with a new palette.  It's going great except for my overwhelming addiction to sugar.  I'm having dreams about red sour patch kids... 

I think it's weird how I trained myself to depend on something I really don't need.  What else don't I need that I absolutely can't live without?

Holes...

Today my thoughts wandered.  As if they were lost, but didn't really want to be found.  I ran across ideas, dreams, doubts, fears, colors, life, and death.  I couldn't spend more than a few moments dwelling on any of those without heading down a different path.  But one path stood out among the rest.  The further along I walked the more real it became.  

I saw myself digging a hole, with no intention, just digging.  I didn't seem happy to be digging, but I didn't seem unhappy either.  There was nothing special about the hole.  It was exactly what you'd expect.  I spent my life digging the hole.  And then I died in that hole.  

A depressing thought on a such a cloudy day and how it would be a horribly depressing post.  Whether saint or sinner, all share the same end.  The bottom of a hole with a shovel in your hand.  

But I think I may have found a treasure while I was digging.  Though it may not last forever I'll enjoy it today.  Lighten up.   I'm Adam.  You've been blogged.  

Float me...

I love the ocean.  There's no place I'd rather be on the this earth than near the ocean.  I'm in love with the warm water and the white sand of my chunk of the coast as a Floridian.  But it wasn't too long ago my heart belonged to another.  

I remember visiting my Grandma in Laguna Beach fairly often as a young child.  Rocky beach, cold water and an intense current.  Doesn't sound that great but I used to love testing my aquatic strength against the tide.  At ten years old each wave became a challenge to prove myself as a man.  For the most part I was pretty good at diving underneath the waves, floating over the rollers, and even occasionally body surfing a good set or two.  

But every so often I was humbled.  Apparently God didn't see fit for me to upstage nature with my display of bravery and heroism and would occasionally conjure up a rogue wave to deny my ambitions and crush me.  I remember on specific incident in which the wrath of God approached me in what seemed to be a 12 foot wall of water.  As the force of wave took me under I was tossed and turned and flipped and spun into a state of confusion and chaos.  I was held by the current.  I seemed to spend minutes under water.  I had no idea which way was up.  Even if I did know I was no match for the tide.  

It's been years since I found myself at the mercy of rogue wave.  But occasionally life sends one my way.  There's no way around it.  I can't make it over the top and I can't swim under it.  Suddenly I don't know which way is up.  

No matter how many times I got swallowed by the sea as a kid it always ended the same way.  Eventually I simply floated up to the surface.  Sometimes bruised and battered but always alive.  Right now I'm just waiting for nature to take it's course and float me.  

Adam says you've been blogged.  

More than meets the eye...

No matter how incredibly beautiful a woman is... somebody somewhere is sick of her crap...  Thank you Bubba The Lovesponge. 

Everything is getting old...

There are so many things on this earth that make me happy.  I find joy in the simplest of things at times.  It's not hard to smile.  

But things can change very fast for me.  At times it doesn't take much to depress me.  The smallest detail can send me into sorrow and longing.  

I never spend much time in the middle of these two places.  Seems to be one or the other.  I've come to embrace each season as growth.  But occasionally I don't change from season to season.  I change from moment to moment.  Like today.  I was excited, then discouraged.  I was content then disturbed.  I was at peace, and then unsettled.  I was happy then sad.  Days like today are hard for me.   I wander.  I cannot focus.  I cannot remember.  I cannot sit still.  Time stands still.  

Suddenly everything seems a little older...I'm Adam.  You've been blogged.

And the crash...

Life in the fast lane.  I seem to thrive here.  But I need to brake... for just a moment.  Maybe tomorrow.  I haven't checked my rear view mirror in a while.  I probably won't.  Tomorrow's looking good.  

Adam say you've been blogged.  

A blur...

The past week went by quicker than usual.  Which is good.  It was not that great.  For starters the weather... awful.  I enjoy the sunshine and the warm weather, this week neither showed up.  I was impatient with a conversation.  My eating habits were at best, "questionable" this week.  My sleeping patterns were unusual.  My typical lack of ability to focus on one thing was greatly increased by my sheer disregard for everything taking place around me... I scraped the bottom of my barrel.  I spaced out.  I couldn't skate on thursday.  I wasted time.  I dwelt on unanswerable questions... and I missed an opportunity.

But things have certainly turned around this weekend.  Yesterday I lived out a dream of mine.  We made a giant milkshake with power tools in the sink and ate it till we couldn't eat anymore.  Special thanks to my roomie and roomie's lady friend for helping make that dream a reality.  I went to a sick Monster Truck show.  Played an intense game of man hunt.  Stayed up really late having a great time.  Saw a lot of friends.  I'm going to ride a roller coaster today too...

I'm still here whether or not I'm having a good time or a bad time... so I might as well be cool either way.  I'm Adam.  You've been blogged.

Walk of faith...

They say the path to Heaven is narrow.  Wide is the path that leads to destruction.  I think this is true.  But we can't all walk the same path... i think each of us has own own narrow path to follow.  They may all lead to the same gate but each journey is different.  We should learn to enjoy each other when our paths cross, it could be the last time.  Be especially grateful if your paths cross again... Have a wonderful day!

I am Adam.  You've been blogged. 

Cocoa Surf Trip

This weekend we took off to the east coast to surf a little.  The coast to coast ride wasn't bad.  The top was off and it was warm and sunny.  I'm a little surprised my jeep made all the way without acting up.  The hotel was less then adequate for six people... but we had a good time...  

For a group of amatuer surfers we didn't do that bad... We had pretty nice sets rolling in all afternoon.   It was too freaking cold for my blood but we decided to stick it out one more session... it was the best ride of the day...

I had a great weekend.  I may need to do that again... I'm Adam.  You've been blogged.

The "magic" journal...

Almost every night I write down the things that I prayed for that day.  I've been doing this all year. So it's been like 10 days... .  I looked at the first day a few nights ago and already the prayers I had written on day one were answered.   So then I got to thinking.  What if every prayer I write down in this journal got answered?  Like it's some kind of "magic" journal.  I though to myself... the pages are pretty small and there's only enough room for a few sentences for each day so I better not waste any space on stupid prayers.  I better use this journal for the big stuff only.  Let's see... I could pray for the economy.  I could pray to end hunger, homelessness, or disease.  I could pray for world peace.  I mean I could really make a difference in this world with my "magic" journal.  

But I didn't pray for any of those noble causes.  When it came down to it I ended up writing the names of some people closest to me.  Next to their names I wrote what I wanted God to do for them.  

I guess the people around me mean more to me than I realized.  I thought saving the world might be at the top of my list.  Maybe it is.  Maybe my world is just smaller than I thought.    

Of course I don't have a "magic" journal.  That's crazy.

I am Adam.  You've been blogged.  

  

A new revolution...

I'm learning about myself.  It seems like I'm being forced to.  As it turns out there are certain situations that inevitably cause one's self to to take at look at... one's self.  Leaving a promising job with a "future" for something I believe in.   Navigating a "less than perfect" relationship.  Getting over the "less than perfect" relationship.  Fighting for something I never want to lose.  Being lonely.  Going too far.  Living some days with reckless abandon.  Questioning why?  Facing these has been like staring into a mirror trying to figure out who I'm looking at. 

I'm beginning to see who I am.  Well, little by little... and I love what I am finding.  I'm certainly not perfect.  But my flaws inspire me. I know I will spend the rest of my life looking inward and yet I'll probably never fully know myself.  But it's the journey that I love.  Not the destination.  I am worth it.  

Thomas Jefferson once said, "Every generation needs a new revolution."  What is mine?  Could I save the whales?  Go green?  Fight terrorism?  End hunger?  Cure cancer?  Hug a tree?  Fight global warming?  What will the textbooks of 2100 say about my generation?  How will I change tomorrow?  What will I fight for?  

What if I fought for myself?  What if my revolution was taking a break from saving the world and instead making sure I am okay with myself?  Perhaps I would be worth a little more to mankind if I was worth more to me.  Maybe instead of targeting what's wrong with the world and trying to fix it, I might focus on what I have to offer the world.  I think an entire generation of people who love themselves might be able to love each other with a far greater capacity than those before them.      

I'm over the bullshit.  It doesn't help anybody.  I don't love to see the bad.  I will live free.  Today I am excited.  I am Adam.  You've been blogged. 

Today was about...

What is today about?  Today has been thousands of years in the making.  All the events of history have been leading up to this day.  Tomorrow will be shaped by the happenings of today. 

Today was ordinary.  I found myself right where I expected to.  Nothing great happened.  I suppose nothing awful happened either.  But I smiled.  I remember laughing a lot today.  At nothing in particular.  I found happiness in simple things.  Thinking about somebody.  The sunshine.  Favorite song on the radio.  Sour patch kids.  Working with my own hands.  Driving with no windows.  Possibilities. 

Not everyday is like that.  So thank God for today.  Adam.  You've been blogged.

"I wash my hands of this wierdness..."

I have recently returned from a trip a friend of mine and I took to Key West.  In the months prior to arriving at the YANKEE FREEDOM II ferry docks at the end of Margaret Street we planned on spending a few days camping and relaxing in the Dry Tortugas.  The Dry Tortugas are a primitive chain of islands 70 miles west of Key West surrounded by coral reefs and crystal clear water. 

We arrived in Key West at approximately 3:45 in the morning.  After 8 straight hours of driving I decided to take a little nap.  So I pulled up a sleeping bag and a slab of concrete and caught some z's.  Everything that happened after that point was all part of very fortunate mistake.  Through a series of events we ended up not catching the ferry we had booked our travel with and we wound up homeless in Key West.  

For five days we slept in a parking garage and "roughed it" on the cold hard streets of the island.  I know it sounds tough, but believe it or not it happened to be just what I needed.  It turns out that the warm air, the clear skies, the slow pace, and key lime pie on a stick happened to be the perfect remedy for my illness.  

 You see, in the 5 or 6 months preceding my Key West adventure I found myself stuck in vicious cycle.  Not believing someone can eat away at a relationship like a cancer.  I felt like no one believed me.  I fell victim to the words spoken against me.  My mental and physical health literally declined as time went on.  I have not ever wept like that before.  I found that I had given myself to the mercy of my circumstances.  I allowed my environment to create me.    There was no point in trying to make sense of it all.  I just wanted to keep my head above water.

I think I packed all that baggage into my suitcase before I left for Key West.  But the sun was so hot down there I just forgot to bring it back with me.  Somewhere in between our corner of parking garage we called home and the beach I must have misplaced all that junk.  I thank God for it too... it's a new chapter in my book and I won't let anyone else write it for me.  

I feel better than ever.  I still have growing pains.  Scars? Definitely.  But it was all worth it.  Every minute of it.  I lived and loved and learned through it all.  NO REGRETS.  But I'm excited to move on.  I wash my hands of this weirdness.  It's behind me and I'm thankful for it.  

Thank you God for protecting me.  Thank you Key West.  Without your smile I might not have found mine.  

That basically sums up the wisdom I found last week.  I did keep somewhat of a journal while I was there and I am still working on translating it from paper to my blog.  I'll let you know when it's done.  Not like you care anyway...

Today I had fun.  My name is Adam.  You've been blogged.

New Year's Resolution

I've never been one to make New Year's Resolutions.  I suppose when you have the perfect life it proves difficult to create ways of improving upon the conditions of the previous year... or perhaps in reality I found my list of resolutions far lengthier than I'd like to admit and the sheer magnitude of the growth involved was too terrible to put myself through.  Whichever you decide to be true doesn't change the fact that making and breaking resolutions with each passing year has not been anywhere on my agenda.

Neither has blogging.  I suppose when you really have nothing to say about anything at all the idea of posting one's thoughts and expressions for all to read seems to be foolishness... or perhaps in reality I do have everything to say about everything to everyone but I fear the accountability to my words once I spill them all over mankind.  Whichever you decide to be true doesn't change the fact that previous to this point in time you would never find my name attached to anything slightly resembling a blog.  

However, in keeping with the only constant in this universe all that has changed.  My New Year's Resolution for 2008 is to create and maintain my very own blog.  Why?  I'm not really sure... I think I'll learn that mystery as I go... maybe it's a way of communicating with myself in front of everyone else?  "Why?" doesn't matter this time.  I simply extend the invitation to all to read to your heart's desire.  

Today I began a new journey.  This is my first post.  Stay tuned for exerpts from the Key West journal.  I am Adam.  You've been blogged.