Nor Easterlies

Everyday it has taunted me. The smell of the sea and the glistening shimmers of the sun bouncing off the lightly crashing surf. Wave after wave glides across the warm sand as if to meet me, but as quickly as they arrive, they retreat back to the sea. Why shouldn't they? That is where they belong. I would very much like to join them on their way out to the open waters. I could submerge myself in the sea and I might escape the relentless Nor' Easterlies, the wind never ceases. It has been somewhat warm around here lately and I would be refreshed by a swim as well. But I knew better. Not far from here lives a giant block of ice contributing to the temperature of these waters. Yes, they look inviting but they are frigid. Cold. I miss the warm bath water of the Gulf of Mexico. I want to swim in the ocean! But I will not subject myself to freezing in the unforgiving cold of the South Pacific.

Today felt different. As if I had grown tiresome of my warm blooded nature keeping me from the water. I had already made up my mind before I was fully awake. Today I was going for a swim. Of course, not before breakfast. A banana would suffice. Might save me from cramping up too if that's not an old wives tale. I discarded the slightly browning peel and walked with certainty towards the horizon. At least the sun was out. There was no stopping me. Too long had I succumbed to the bondage of the beach and never took more than a few trifling steps into the water. Too long had it made a coward out of me. Today I was going for a swim. Before I knew it the water was up to my knees. Unmoved by the stinging cold I wandered out into the ocean. The waves slapping against my chest now. Then before me stood a wave slightly larger than the two in front of it. As if threatening to swallow me entirely in it's belly it continued to rise. A challenge from the sea. I moved toward the wave, determined to walk right through it. I carefully recalculate my plan after realizing it would sweep my upright body right off my feet and send me back to the beach in a moment's time. So I dove under it's crest. The chilling water seemed to crush my head! I didn't remain underwater for very long at all, but time slowed down enough for me to enjoy my adventure beneath the sea. I had done it.

I walked back to the beach with a new sense of accomplishment and there to greet me, not with a warm towel, but with a terrible cold wind, was my old friend the Nor' Easterlies...

Marked Improvements

I've been sleeping much better after having upgraded from a plywood frame to an actual mattress. Also, I have found increasing success singing and playing guitar on the New Brighton Pier. My self amassed fortune of spare change has alloted for certain luxuries I have otherwise gone without. Such as skittles. Christmas skittles to be exact. No different than regular skittles other than the fact that I bought them on Christmas. It was cold so I found the skittle were more difficult to chew than I had anticipated. However, after a few moments of warming up beneath my tongue they made quite an appreciated snack. A frugal indulgence seeing as how I can often bring in a surplus of $20 in just under an hour. I have also made new friends, of equal value to my treasure of coins but not as tradable.. It is true the company I have kept here has varied from inebriated maori fishermen to a more than helpful South African security guard. A chinaman named Duncan invited me to his church for a party. It's a good day. The day after christmas. The sun is piercing through the clouds. The gulls harsh calls are a faint remembrance of home. The waves never cease to roar.

Now what?

Tuna and peanut butter. Two of my favorite foods. Which is a good thing for me. They won't spoil. Well, the tuna will if you try to eat half and save the rest for later, so don't open the can unless you're really hungry...Anyways.... they are both delicious. Except not together. And really not even if you eat one after the other. In fact, they probably should never really run into each other...ever.

A quiet day...

You never seem to find yourself very far from a Wal-Mart. And no matter where you find one they are eerily similar to every other Wal-Mart you've ever been in. A soft spoken elderly person to greet you as you walk in. The distinct smell of cheap retail. The same yellow smiley face rolling back prices (which we deeply appreciate). They are all so alike, that you might even find yourself in the home appliance section forgetting just where you are in the world exactly and which Wal-Mart you're shopping in.

Christians the world over are eerily similar to one another as well... a thought I find both comforting and disappointing at the same time...

Update from New Zealand

It's been nearly 11 weeks since my arrival in Christchurch, New Zealand. I now have sheep riding, onion picking, and a few mountains under my belt. One of the highlights from trekking in the Cook Mountain Range came as I neared the end of my ascent. All that was left was to climb a 250 meter ice face and I'd be at the hut I was going to spend the night in. Typically any Floridian would stick out like sore thumb fumbling up a steep wall of snow and ice but I was feeling especially adventurous that afternoon. Plus, I had an ice pick. Surely, it wasn't necessary but it somehow fueled my adrenaline as I drove it into the snow with every step. When I reached the top I found myself more exhausted than if I had spent the day lounging at the beach reading gossip magazines,but somehow I felt more accomplished. And if my accomplishment on that afternoon could be surpassed than it was by my descent the next morning. I hadn't realized that looking up at the ice face the previous day would not be nearly as daunting as looking down it the next morning. I didn't know how to get down the right way, but I did know the right way dig a hole for an umbrella at the beach and suddenly I was wishing to be doing just that instead. But my hesitation turned to anticipation as my Dutch companion Mark gave me a top notch lesson in glissading. I strapped my pack onto my stomach and with my ice pick in hand began sliding down the steep ice on my backside. I was riding on a river of snow as I flew passed a couple of climbers just beginning their ascent. It was one of the most fun things I've ever done. Thanks to Mark's detailed and precise coaching on how to stop I ended my high speed descent by slamming my pick as far into the snow as I could. Of course I was cold and wet the rest of the way down but I suppose I won't get a chance to do much glissading when I return to FL.

In the midst of all the adventure and adrenaline there have been moments of reflections. Sitting atop a mountain peak looking up at the blue sky and looking down on the clouds I have had revelation. Sitting beneath the shooting stars, galaxies, and clusters of the southern hemisphere listening to the waves of the south pacific crash on the sandy shores of Sumner I have remembered things. Beneath the shade of a giant oak in the botanical gardens of Christchurch I have thought new thoughts. My journal is full of new ideas. My mind is consumed with possibilities. Peculiar how a change of scenery can lead to change of heart.

I have new friends. From all over the world. I would have paid any price to meet the people I have crossed paths with here. Encouraging people with a genuine care for wellness. Interesting characters with so many stories to tell. Each one with a moral. There are lessons to be learned that can never be taught from a book or a stage. Just by listening to people and observing colliding cultures and backgrounds become one functioning body, I have seen the gospel preached. Not with words, but with love.

I have found the small town of Oxford to be healing place. A place of forgiveness and humility. A place of restoration and recuperation. A place to give things up and take up new things. A place to enjoy the mountain tops and a place to carry on through the valley. A place to be heard and a place to listen and learn. I am thankful for these times. I will never forget them.

For reasons beyond, but including lack of financing, I have opted to decline the outreach opportunity. I was offered the chance to go to Australia to travel for a few weeks working in hostels and other arenas typical to backpacking. But since my arrival in New Zealand I have not felt compelled to leave just yet. I feel as though a foundation for the next season of my life is being poured here and it is not finished. I will continue with the work that has been started in me here. I will remain in New Zealand over the next few months continuing to grow through working and traveling. I'll be able to earn income as a helping hand on a produce farm or helping around hostels.

I have been exposed to future possibilities for my life and I am very excited about moving forward to pursue those goals. I would like put myself in a position to maximize my potential in that arena by simplifying and narrowing my focus. I know full well that God will have favor on my decisions and wants me to succeed in everything I find within my heart.

Erin will be joining me in January which I am really looking forward to. I'd say there's a few mountains here with her name on them. I was able to acquire a very inexpensive vehicle, to the tune of just several hundred dollars. Thank God. I'm expecting a very interesting season with a huge threshold for growth. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this beautiful country. After all, I've only been but a few hours from Christchurch during my furthest journey at this point. I'm excited to cross paths with many more new friends. I am expecting to see a nature of God otherwise unknown to me during the next few months. Keep praying for me. I am starting to miss home. I know it won't be much longer till I return but I am excited to get back. Thanks for reading!

A man wanted to climb a mountain. It wasn't a very large mountain, but a mountain nonetheless. He wanted to get to the top of the mountain and look down on the world around it. He wanted to accomplish something. He wasn't sure what, but he knew once he reached the top things would become more clear. He thought he might need a few items to take along with him on his climb. He took a backpack. In it was a jacket, a water bottle, a few sandwiches, and an apple. He wasn't taking much, and he wasn't wearing very much either. A good pair of hiking shoes, shorts and a t-shirt. That's all he need. After all, he could get up and down the mountain before nightfall.

So he started his ascent up the mountain. The base of the mountain was covered by a thick forest. Everything was wet with dew. The trail was muddy and every so often there would be a puddle to jump across. The weather was mild, the temperature slightly below warm. He still worked up quite a sweat though. The first hour or so of his climb was difficult. It was a steep grade and the mud made the trail quite slippery. In fact there were times he even had to pull himself up the trail grasping the roots of the trees with his hands. It was quite difficult. If the entire climb were like this he might not have continued.

But eventually the grade lessened and he was able to stand upright and walk forward with ease. The forest was still quite dense but it was a little drier at this altitude. During this part of his climb he had the opportunity to think while he walked seeing as the difficulty of the climb had lessened for the time being. He thought about the first part of his climb and how he had defeated his will to give up. After all, the thought of going back had crossed his mind once or twice. Even so, he endured the hardships and had made it through a difficult terrain. He was quite proud of himself.

But not long after that the forest began to thin out a little, while at the same time getting a lot drier. The air was getting thinner and the temperatue began to drop. The grade of the mountain increased slighty and with it the difficulty of breathing increased quite a bit. He took short shallow breaths, his mouth and throat were beginning to get raw. He had to stop. Lightheaded and winded he took a drink from his water bottle. As he sat on fallen tree catching his breath his attention was directed to the hunger pangs in his stomach. He took the apple and a sandwich and ate them. He saved one sandwich for the trip down which he anticpated would be much easier than his ascent.

As he pressed forward with a stomach full of peanut butter and jelly he took his time and slowed his pace. Turning around and looking back on where he had to stop to take a break he became aware of the possibility that the mountain might defeat him. He became more strategic in keeping a steady pace and practiced his breathing. As he focused on inhale and exhale he didn't even notice the landscape changing around him until he was fully immmersed in it. He had hiked up into a fallen forest. The winds at this altitude must have been fierce the night before. All of a sudden the trail disappeared beneath a multitude of downed trees in a sea of wild thickets. There were still enough trees left standing to obscure the sunlight and make it all the more difficult to find the path. Slowly, and with uncertainty he began to climb and stumble over the branches, trunks and roots of the once upright trees. A few times he fell and more than once he was uncertain if he was headed in the right direction. Fear began to simmer inside of him. He thought of being lost, or not finding his way before nightfall. It was too late to turn back because the trail had disappeared behind him. His pace was drastically slowed not only because the obstacles but by fear that seemed to cripple him. He wanted to scream but no one would hear him anyways.

Suddenly, he saw a clearing. His pace quickened and his only motivation was to get to this clearing as fast as he could. As he neared it the fear began to melt away and it was replaced by relief. His relief quickly turned to celebration as he broke through into the clearing. The ground beneath was now rock. There were a few scattered bushes here and there but now he had a clear view of the peak. He had almost made it. Quickly forgetting the fear he had left behind his mind was now consumed with reaching the top. After a drink from his water bottle he hastened his way to the top. But it was farther than it looked.

He walked up the rocky passage towards the peak and began to feel annoyed, almost angry. Angry because the top of the mountain was in his sight and seemed so close, yet it was taking so long to get there. It was getting colder, drier, the air was thinner than ever. He no longer wanted to be climbing, he just wanted to be at the top already. As if his frustration made the time fly by, he arrived at the last 100 feet of the trail before he was at the summit.

It was very steep. The rock beneath was covered with loose gravel cascading down the peak. Every step forward must be calculated and precise. He was so close now he must not make one false move, otherwise he jeopordizes everything he had climbed so high for. Moving very slowyly, he began to feel his joints ache and his muscles become sore. He had been climbing for a long time. He thought maybe he should rest before he makes the most difficult part of his but his appetite to reach the top was stronger than his instinct to rest. He fought exhaustion with every step he took. Breathing once again was becoming difficult. The wind began to pick up as he neared the top. It was colder here. Everything around him began to disappear as his vision tunneled at the peak. Only a little longer. The beginning of his ascent seemed to be a distant memory. He had come so far. Just a few more steps. At this point he began to celebrate his victory. Still in the final stage of his ascent he considered himself there. He had nearly conquered the mountain. He was proud of his strength and endurance. He thought himself great. He stood up straight to have a look around. He wanted to remember how everything was when he took his first step on the peak.

But before he could make that step the combination of his exhaustion and a strong gust of wind ended his journey just a few feet from the top. The rocks had shifted beneath his weight. He had fallen. He heard his leg snap. There was no mistaking that noise. He couldn't walk on it. His phone had no reception. He couldn't yell loud enough over the wind for a person twenty feet away to hear him let alone anyone at the base of the mountain. It was the greatest pain he had ever known. Not his leg, but the sight of the summit just a few feet from where he lay.

With his pride shattered he knew he needed to get off the mountain to get medical attention for his leg. He had to crawl. First he took his jacket and wrapped it around his leg to pressurize it. It was slow going. He was already exhausted from his ascent. His leg was causing tremendous pain. Tears ran down his face. They were cold. After a few mintues he knew he had to drop his backpack. It was slowing him down. Hours had past and he was slowly crawling down the mountain. He was dirty. His leg dragging behind him was completely covered in mud. His hands were raw from grippiing the branches of the fallen trees, pulling himself along by roots and thickets. The moon was rising and the temperature was sinking. Things did not look good. He was probably only halfway down the mountain. The pain had turned from a sharp excruiciating pain to a dull throbbing. He was so tired. He stopped. Just for a moment to rest his eyes...

He awoke. He was in a hospital. He suddenly remembered what had happened. His leg was propped up and in a cast. His cuts and scrapes were properly dressed. A doctor walked in the room and explained the story. Two men had dropped him off and without much explanation had disappeared. The doctor told him about the procedure used to set his leg and about the meds they were using for the pain. Unfortunately, the leg had become infected. He would have to stay in the hospital until the infection was gone, which could take weeks.

Shame overcame him. He spent days in his hospital bed loathing himself. He was so close to the top. He had told his friends and family before he left that he was going to reach the summit. What would they think now? He would have to try again. He had to make it. For his pride. For his reputation. To show everyone else he could do it. To add fuel to the fire he heard of rumors... people were talking about him. Nobody cared enough to visit him, but they saw fit to email him their thoughts about what he did wrong and what he should do next. "Get back on the mountain. Quit wasting your time with that broken leg of yours. Cut it off and get a move on. That peak is waitng for you and we're all expecting pictures from the top."

He thought about it. But he remembered something he read in a book once...With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

From New Zealand

Hello.

It has been one month since I have arrived on the South Island of NZ. I have been staying in a small town called Oxford which is about a 45 minute drive outside of Christchurch. It is a small town. There is a main st., a butcher, a dairy, one super market, a handful of homes, a church or two and good number of farms. There is maybe a couple thousand people in Oxford and quite possibly tens of thousands of sheep. It's difficult to find a view without mountains towering in the background. Some lush and green and some snowcapped rock. A river runs along the side of town. Oxford seems to be the safest place in the world.

During the week I am subjected to very lengthy, and sometimes quite dull lectures given by some of the sharpest, most interesting people I've ever met. Conflicting, maybe but there is alot to be learned from the lives of others. There is also work to be done, dishes to be washed, lawns to mow and clothes to be washed. I am living on a base with around 30 people. Many are from America but, Holland, Germany, Finland, South Korea and Canada are represented here. Not to mention the Kiwis.

The weekends have been spent bouldering in Castle Hill, kayaking in Akaroa, playing with seals in Kaikura, confronting the icy cold water of the South Pacific ocean on body boards and climbing through the mountains. Every friday night is spent in the city of Christchurch. When I'm not exploring the familiar yet intriguing culture of the city I go to the skate park.

I miss my family, girlfriend, friends, sweet tea and sour patch kids the most. But I am very happy here. Everyday is a new adventure. Please keep me in your prayers. I'll keep you posted.

Love Adam

time has passed...

sometimes there is nothing i want to say...

Flutag

It was cool.  But to be honest with you the best part of the day was an unplanned swim in the ocean.  

If you're on death row... do you get a last poop after your last meal?

Bravo!

When the children start biting you it's obvious something is missing.  

It is the conflict of good and evil that keeps the earth spinning.  

ahem.

At first I felt sorry for them.  They were hurt.  Hurt by people, and hurt by themselves.  When I looked at them my heart could somehow relate to their suffering.  When they cried I cried.  But after a while I didn't care that much anymore.  Then I began to hate them.  And hate the things they did and said.  I wanted to go away from them.  Then once I was alone I was happy again.  I didn't have to look at them, disgusting.  But now I hate myself.  I cannot look.  

It's not as bad as it sounds.  

Crap.

Humanity declares a man's worth according to what he brings to the table.  Crap.  I don't even have a table. 

Religion My Ass!

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself."

Richard Burton

Religion is a man's futile attempt to relate himself to God.  The true gift of Christ is God relating himself to man...

Anyways... I tried to order a plate of chicken, rice and beans without the chicken...  but they wouldn't split them up... I was like "Really?"  She was like "Really."  Then she said "But I can give you just rice."  I said "Without beans?"  She said "Without beans."  I was like "Really?" She said "Really." Then I thought to myself.."She is just answering my questions with the same words I'm using but with different punctuation."  I didn't want just rice... I wanted rice AND beans together on the same plate without chicken.  I was like "I can't have just rice and beans?"  She said "You can't have just rice and beans."  I was like "If I want rice and beans I HAVE to have the chicken?"  She was all "If you want rice and beans you HAVE to have the chicken."  Weird.  Well I wasn't going to ask again because I already knew she would just repeat me and then replace my question mark with a period.  So I settled for just the rice.  I wish I hadn't settled.  Rice is good... but rice and beans is great.  There's a lot of real estate between good and great.   

FYI...

I had the greatest time yesterday!  The simplest things in life... 

From where?

 With what measurement can one judge another's heart?  Surely the weight and size of one's heart is irrelevant in spiritual matters.  The temperature and density of one's heart cannot tell of its intent.  Certainly the heart can be tried and tested by man, but to what extent?  To the extent of what a man can see with his eyes and feel with his hands...

If you knew my heart I would have given it up a long time ago.  But instead it will remain with the Creator.  He alone knows my heart.  He does not weep for me.  He does not store up wrath against me.  He does not condemn me.  Instead He has responded in love and has secured my heart in His.  

i love you..

Hunger in the streets.  Fatherless children.  War in the East.  Civil unrest and disease in Africa.  Poverty in the third world.  Depletion of natural resources.  Rising Temperatures.  Inflated prices within struggling economies.  Intrusion of man in the rain forests.  Abuse.  Addiction.  Murder.  Violence.  Rape.  In our backyard.  Greed.  Control.  Energy Crisis.  Propaganda.  Lies.   Intolerance for our brothers and sisters.  Pollution.  Poaching.  Selfishness.  Religion.  Apathy.  Depression.  Godlessness.  Hatred...

What is the origin of evil...?  What purpose does it serve?  Why have we been subjected to it's destruction?

It does not take much to see the suffering.  A quick drive thru suitcase city may surprise you.  Try sitting off Dale M.  without hearing the wail of sirens racing towards a crisis.  Turn on the news, someone's life has been violently taken.  Read the paper, our economy is failing.  Friends have been laid off.  Visit the hospital, disease is thriving.  Our elders are alone in a assisted living facilities.  The orphanages are full.  Prison is crowed.  This is where I live.  I see it everyday.  And across the world there is a different brand of suffering.  But suffering to say the least.  

Some have turned their back to it.  Others close their eyes.  It is ignored.  It is not discussed.  It is not politically correct.  Our leaders fatten themselves on the fruit of the land with a reckless abandonment of compassion while the poor and weak spirited are left to carry the burden.  What hope do we have then?

Barrack Obama?  Can he save us with his eloquent speech and well catered campaign?  Will his charm and marketability deliver us?  Perhaps more so than the other flavors on the menu but in reality he is not the answer.  Our hope is not in man.    

Our hope rests on the foundation of love.  And the greatest love of all is when a man lays down his life for another.  Moment by moment, embrace this love.  It will find you in the chaos that your life is.  In your home.  At the office.  When you go out.  At the bars.  The grocery store.  School campuses.  It will spread to the ocean.  It will cross the seas and touch the world.  Change is inevitable.  It will come no matter what.  But changing for the better is a fight.  Do not grow weary in doing good.  It is thankless.  It is difficult.  It is sneered at.  At times it seems hopeless.   Take heart, smile because what you have done has not been done in vain.  Instead, each act of love is another cornerstone in the foundation of a better tomorrow.  Take the hands of those beside you.  Together crucify hatred and selfishness and embrace the love has been yours since the beginning

Share

You know how some people don't like eating in front of people who aren't eating... maybe they are embarrassed, or they think it's rude... either way they would prefer someone else to eat with them... so they share.  

It would be cool if countries had manners like that... 

...

At the foundation of every religion is a bad idea.  But the foundation of life is love.

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.  

And of what remains the greatest is love.  

Do people have the capacity to love?  If they so choose.

Come down from that place and know. 

To the ends of the earth...

Not too long ago science swore the earth was flat.  I can't imagine what terrible mistake we're making today that the future will laugh at.  To think humanity has arrived is terribly ignorant.  Do not accept things just because that's the way they are.  To challenge the very laws of existence is a great adventure.  The world changes.  

rain rain

"it's raining, i'm not leaving this bed."

the middle of the day...

A thought comes and goes, an idea is lost in translation.  Could it be that whatever He passes on to me immediately becomes tainted by the evil in me?  Maybe the miracle is not the healing itself but instead His way of healing.  Raise me up or set me down but as long as you're looking at me you can't see Him.  Take comfort though, the difference between what you see with your eyes and what's true is like night and day.  

In this world there is good and evil, if a man desires both he is wretched.  You're less likely to fall from your knees than standing up.  So get over yourself.   

a new character...

I'd like to think that each and every trivial detail of this life has significance.  That each moment is like the flipping of a page in the greatest story of all.  As the omni-author introduces new characters and plot twists I play my role as the protagonist of my part of the story.  Though the end of me has already been written it has yet to be discovered.  Perhaps that is the great journey. Not blazing a trail and creating a destiny but instead discovering along the way what it is we were created for.   

The tolerance of evil is the beginning of self mutilation, the intolerance of people is the beginning of death.  

No way...

I'll bet you if I got a running start I could jump clear to the bottom of this mountain...

The brain, if you don't use it, you... ... ... uh i forget what happens... 

The more you take the more you want, the more you give the less you have.

I was bitten by a snake today and never got an apology.  

Mangroves

The sounds of the bay had all but vanished by the time I realized I had found myself lost in a forest of mangroves.  Well..Perhaps "slightly lost" is a better way of putting it.  After all, I knew the island was no more than a mile or two deep both ways.  But the web of trails I had been following for well over an hour couldn't have been any wider than paddle's length at it's broadest point.  It would have been difficult to turn an inflatable raft around let alone a 16 ft kayak.  Moving forward at a drifters pace any precautions I felt were immediately consumed by the excitement of not knowing whether to go left or right at the fork.  There was no notion as to what was around the corner.  Taking a break, I climbed up the mangrove bank to a natural trail that prompted a hike.    Finding the crumbling foundation of an old homestead made me think of the lost sailors that took refuge here from the sea.  As I rested with my back against what was left of an old brick fireplace I imagined the home in it's former glory.  He had built it with his own two hands.  I'm sure it took years.  He and his wife and daughter lived on the island for decades in the 1800s.  He was a merchant and had made a name for himself and his island as a place of refuge for those weary of the sea.  I could imagine a roaring fire and a home full of  traders and merchants enjoying the famous home cooked meals his wife was known for.  The stories that must have been told in the living room.  The characters that must have passed through.  All part of this pile of rubble I was taking a break on.  All that is left of his life serves as a rest stop for hikers.  A broken slab of concrete cluttered with rusted tools used in trades of the past was all that remained of his life's work.  I wondered that if he knew what would become of his legacy all those years ago if he would have done it all differently... But then again, even Solomon has nothing left to show of his great temple.  Perhaps our legacy is not what we leave on this earth, but instead how we change the lives of those beside us while we're here.

Dream Machine

I hope to persuade the giver of dreams to be extra nice to me.  

Maybe I could fly above to make sure that alls alright

In the clouds I'd make new friends each time that I took flight

Breathing underwater I'd walk the ocean floor

Next to me a friendly creature no one else had seen before

Or I'll pass through fire, with a walking stick in my hand

In no rush to flee, I'll enjoy it while I can

I'd think it'd be cool to see the moments of the past

Pirates, cowboys and indians, old times that couldn't last

Ah! Take me to the future and show me what's in store

Vacation to the moon and camp the lunar shore

No matter where you bring me, or what I get to see

I only hope to persuade you to be extra nice to me

Extravagance

Somewhere deep within the rain forest where no man has tread there grows the most beautiful flower.  And in it's life none shall ever lay eyes on it.  It's beauty will never be shared with any.  But it grows anyways.  

The extravagance of the creator exceeds all knowledge.    

Free Bird?

You call me a free bird.  Say that nothing holds me down.  That I will come and go with the winds on a whim.  Flying high over boundaries.  Set out to see the world and no one holds me back.  On a perpetual adventure with my wings spread wide. 

Take a closer look.  I am a rogue elephant.  Bent on rampage.  Behind me is a trail of destruction.  Violently I devastate the land.  If a man should stand before me I pay him no heed.  Even with my ears I do not hear.  I cannot forget.  My eyes are fixed.  None can bring me down.  With my passion and crushing weight I oppose all.  Rogue. 

God, become my captor.  Where all others have failed be the victor.  That you would consider me worthy of the hunt.  That I might be a prize in your eyes.  That I would surpass your greatest treasures.  May your desire not be  satisfied until I am your captive. 

The grass is greener...

As soon as I jumped the fence into the other yard I realized I wasn't even in the right neighborhood...

Where did we come from?  Intelligent design?  Primordial Soup?  Creation?  Big Bang?  I could tell you how we got here but I think the more pressing matter is that we spend our time here wisely.

Typically, if an idea or person is embraced by the majority of the general public it's probably wrong.  

And with a touch of sarcasm...

 ... seriously these stimulus checks we are getting are not meant to boost the economy...I think the checks are just Mr. President's way of apologizing before he leaves.  After the past 8 years I'm sure he wants to leave on a good note.  Besides... it's not like he will have to pay back the billions borrowed to put those checks in our hand... that's the next lucky candidates problem.  Meanwhile whoever said money can't buy love obviously never got a stimulus check from my pal W.  It almost makes up for everything!  Hail to the Chief.

Guess what? You just got blogged.

alsdfj

If I could stop a thought before it was gone I'd have something to write about today.  So I decided to take a look at someone else's thoughts.

 It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil.  If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.

Helen Keller

Oprah

Must be stopped.  Just say NOPRAH!   

Have you even noticed?

This time of year wild flowers cover the grassy patches on the sides of the highway and fill the medians with colors that otherwise would not be found there in our other seasons.  They are beautifully alive.  They are bright and bold.  They are true... 

But they don't really make a difference.  They can't change the world.  Traffic never picks up because of them... Gas prices don't come down... They can't end the war...  Not even their colors can slow global warming... They haven't the cure for disease... Their loveliness is no remedy for poverty... No aroma from them will secure our economy...No flower alludes death.  In fact, they will be gone in a matter of days.  They are a fleeting glimpse into the creativity of the author.  Today we might notice them, but then we will not notice them.  We will forget them.

However, for a moment, I noticed them.  I saw them.  I really loved them.  I couldn't help but smile knowing that creation has taken place right before me as a testimony to the Creator.  For a moment, though that moment has passed,  I saw Him.  

I may never end a war or cure cancer.  I may never feed the hungry or lead a revolution.  I may never save a life.  But before my moment on this earth has come to pass I will be a testimony to the Creator.  If only one slows to see the miracle of my creation, though it is here and gone in a instant, I have changed the world. 

But my dreams...

But my dreams they aren't as empty

As my conscious seems to be...

A person cannot change the world.  Not even the world around them.  But a dream has the power to the shake the very core of the earth itself.  Those who would live for a dream, would die for a dream.  They will be regarded as world changers.  

As it is man's very nature to sin against God, he would fail to bring life to this world.  But a dream does not lust, nor does it hate.  It cannot be tempted, nor would it surrender.  We should not look to a man to free us, but instead dream.

I've not seen this hour in a while...

The best time to think is right in the middle of a thought. 

As sleep alludes me during this late hour I think of things to come.  But by the time I have finished my thought of things to come those things have come to pass.  And the things that have passed have become the past and the past is said and done.  The things that were said and the things that were done will shape the things to come.

It's hard to say what it is I see...

What if a colony of fire ants was living in  my stomach without me ever being aware of them... until one day they all tried to climb out of my mouth at the same time and choked me?  I thought it happened for a second.  

Everyone comes and goes as they please.  One would go after fame.  Another after money.  One after lust.  One would try to fill himself with food.  One would seek happiness.  Another simplicity.  Some would wander and some minds would actually plot destruction.  Still some would thirst for power.  One would long for friends and good times.  Even more one would raise a family.  One would hope to leave a mark.  Some try for the spirit, other the flesh.  Some actually already dead even while they draw breath.

He would only call those who would seek Him.  

GOD is GUILTY by association

An association fallacy is an inductive formal fallacy of the type hasty generalization or red herring which asserts that qualities of one thing are inherently qualities of another, merely by an irrelevant association. 

The hatred of God begins with an association fallacy.  Much of the interaction I experience with the Creator is through His creation.  I believe He is the fabric of this universe and his character fills every detail within it.  But I must remember that while He is in everything I experience, those experiences are in no way a measurement of his identity.  He is far bigger than this universe and the fullness of his being is not fathomable by the human mind.

People are quick to judge God based on the circumstances of this universe.  Thus, God becomes guilty by association when Pastors don't make the right decision.  He becomes guilty when disaster strikes, and when war breaks loose.  He becomes guilty when the church does more damage than good.  

This is not a stable foundation.  As much as God is this universe, He is beyond it.  

Recession?

I don't know.  Either way it seems like a good time to make eternal investments.  

You could probably buy enough distractions to keep you busy your whole life.  Maybe you could have enough things that you don't really need to ask for anything.  And if you turn up your satellite radio loud enough you'd never have to listen.  And as long as they are around you'd never be alone.  It's easier to keep your eyes closed too, that way you wouldn't have to see anything you might not like.  You could be nice enough to never face conflict.  And as long as you think with your head you would never even notice you heart needs life. 

Keep it up tool. 

Did you know?

There are  like billions of other people out there.  I met some of them tonight.  It was a pleasure.

If I judge you I have lost a piece of my heart to you. 

To wage war is to be man.  Peace comes from God.

You can sneeze with your eyes open.  You just need tape and courage.

We will seem ignorant to the next generation of explorers.  

Gas is costing us more than money.

In the rain...

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death. 
Leonardo da Vinci 

While it's fresh...

I was standing in a open court yard with a close friend.  I could not see the moon or the stars but I knew it was night because the sun was not shining.  We were discussing something of little importance, so little that even now the topic of our discussion has faded from my memory.  But what happened next I will not soon forget.  As we were talking I notice a man and a woman slowly approaching us.  I had noticed them pass by earlier but paid them no attention.  As they approached I was troubled by what I saw.  In the lead was the man.  As he came closer I was able to make out his appearance.  He was thin.  Very thin.  I could locate nearly every bone in this man's body as his thin skin did everything it could to contain them.  His face was white, like salt.  At first he appeared to have no hair.  But as I soon discovered he had very thin, barely visible greasy black hair flowing from the sides of his head to shoulder length.  His eyes seemed to be missing, which is unlikely as he was able to navigate his way through the dark courtyard directly toward me.  He had a large mouth, and when he smiled he revealed his disease plagued mouth lined with very small teeth, some of them missing.  He was wearing nothing but a cloth around his waist.  Aside from his white face, the rest of his skin appeared to be charred, as if he were burned.  The skin around the left side of his chest was so thin I could see into the man.  His heart struggled to pump blood as it seemed to want to escape the bondage of this man's body.  He moved slowly but with great intent.  Not far behind him was an old woman.  Commonly.  If she were to have been a color it would be gray.  She was fat.  She seemed to be sweating profusely as she followed the man's every move.  She adorned a gray shawl that matched the color of her thinning shoulder length hair.  She was dirty, like one who had been traveling or living in the streets for years.  There was nothing striking about the woman.  I would have quickly forgotten her if not for the heart stopping presence of her male companion.  As they approached I was troubled.  I had never seen anything like the misery that was this man.  I knew he was coming for me.  The way that he walked toward me as if there was nothing else in the world convinced me that there was no escaping interaction with him.  He stopped just a foot or two from where I was standing.  As our gazes met the reality around me turned to darkness.  I could no longer see my friend standing next to me.  The courtyard had disappeared.  I was standing on darkness and darkness was around me.  To my front stood the man and just behind him the woman was cowering.  The man reached out to shake my hand to greet me and as if I was being controlled by another force I reluctantly placed my hand in his.  Immediately, he tightened his grip and lunged forward shrieking.  I was paralyzed and could not free myself from his grasp.  I heard the name "Jesus Christ" come out of my mouth as if it would free me from my captor restoring me to a normal state of being.  But upon hearing the name, the man looked at me and in a clear, yet disturbing voice he proclaimed, "Jesus Christ accuses you!"

When I awoke I was not frightened.  My heart was not racing.  I was thankful the dream woke me up because I had forgotten to put my sister's empanadas in the fridge and they would have gone bad if I didn't get up to do that.  I have not had a nightmare in years.  I don't know if I would consider my dream a nightmare but it was vivid.  Who was the man?  Who was the woman following him?  What did he mean by what he said?  I don't know.  I'm not sure if I care yet?  After all, I have dreamt stranger things.

To Rev Wright

Dear Rev. Wright

God Damn America?  While I'm living here I'd rather you not make prayers like that.  

People who love to see the bad end up with higher blood pressure and increased risk of heart disease.   Consider an aspirin regimen and anger management.  

We could eliminate our weakness by simply investing in our strengths.  

Love Adam

Good Friday...

Wouldn't it be better to spend every Friday thanking God?

Open for Business...

The only difference between the church and the world is... the church closes at 5.

To the sun...

What if all things were a matter of belief?  Take for example the sun.  You could choose to believe in it's existence or you could deny it.  

Those who chose to acknowledge the sun would accredit it with all of it's characteristics.  Ergo... sunglasses, beach days, tinted windows, ac, sun block, and solar panels, all being things used in response to the existence of the sun provding sunshine, warmth, and energy.  

Those who denied it would blame their skin cancer on a series of random events having nothing to do with the non-existent sun.  

The people who believed in the sun of course would create little groups that would go around passing out brochures that explain why the sun really does exists to all the non-believers who would in turn lobby to have the sun removed from our schools and textbooks. 

That would be weird.

A prayer.

He walked away from Jesus.  I mean sure, he was very sad cause he had great wealth, but still he walked away.  Money was his God.  We pity the young man and say "What could be worth denying an intimate relationship with the creator for?"  But I have denied Christ for less than that.  After all, I certainly don't have great wealth.  I don't even have mediocre wealth.  I have traded my Savior for sin.  I have given him up for myself.  You didn't even see it happen.  Only I did.  Which made it easier.  

But having been chosen for grace I can do no wrong in my Father's eyes.  It's as if the very image of my life is that of Christ.  It's as if every word to come out of my mouth is that of the prophets.  It's as if the deeds of my flesh and the thoughts of my mind are the likeness of the one who created me.  Sure, in your eyes I am not good.  I would even be called "sinner."  But God knows my name.  A name that I have not yet heard, but He has called me by it.  It is in this knowledge that my heart is grateful, because I need a savior the most of all.  

Words spoken against me in this world, if shrewdly strategized, may sting for a moment, but the words spoken by Him will forever fortify my spirit.  This world does not claim ownership over me, nor does anyone in it, instead I have been in His hand since the beginning.  Though you may come against me, I gladly lay myself down for you, I have nothing to gain in this world.  This rebellion in my heart is not a stronghold, but a fire.  

We are not at war with one another, but instead with ourselves.  Surrender. 

International Space Station Relations...

I heard the "Endeavor" shuttle had a successful launch this week.  It's delivering some kind of japanese lab to the International Space Station.  The ISS, as we in the field of space exploration like to call it, is a symbol of unity between the US, Canada, Japan, Brazil, and several European countries.  It's really quite inspiring that we can all get along well enough create a floating space lab that is funded, occupied, maintained, and built upon by so many different countries.  Or maybe not... 

Maybe it's ridiculous that the only place we see a glimpse of "world peace" is hundreds of miles off the surface of the earth traveling at thousands of miles per hour in orbit... ... ... now i'm not against space exploration... but maybe we have bigger fish to fry at the moment.  

WWJD?

Which country would Jesus bomb?

Truth...

The truth never changes.  But the way we perceive the truth has the power to change our lives.  Why should I submit myself to your version of the truth?  Some people put ketchup on everything... Some people only eat it with fries.... Some people don't even like it at all...  the perception changes but it doesn't make the ketchup any less ketchupy.  

 I'll spend the rest of my life after the truth and I may never know... but it's still there.  

Haha

I laughed so hard today my insides still hurt.  But it's worth it.

Eh...

It seems that all my feelings got together today and decided they'd each take a five minute crack at me.  It was fun at first, but after a few rounds I hated it...until I got over it and laughed it off... only to find myself wanting to cry over the nasty weather... but I couldn't cause Frank Sinatra was singing through my ipod and that always puts a smile on my face.  I was a little worried that the intoxicating fumes pouring out the leak in my exhaust might have damaged my brain while I drove to point B but that fear quickly turned to relief after I remembered I only used ten percent of it anyways and the other ninety is basically disposable... At one point today I wanted to workout so I made my way to the kitchen to get an orange popsicle.   I actually talked to my dog for a solid ten minutes while she sat and listened.  I wished I was a young child watching Hook but then I couldn't wait to grow old.  I wanted an adventure... or a nap...

When I talked to God about how I was feeling he said, "I know."

haha.

There is a lot bullshit that takes place everyday.  This frustrates most but I think we are better for it.  After all, if you want something to grow shit makes the best fertilizer...a pungent verse of a sweet song.

Free Willy...

I remember seeing Shamu as a young kid... then a few years later seeing Shamu's replacement Keiko... since then I think Kieko died and was replaced by Keiko 2...  

What did they do with Shamu's body when he died?..  I don't know... but I like to think that those little buckets full of fish the trainers use to reward the whales for their performance is really just the remains of the previous whale that occupied the tank.  This would ensure that the original Shamu would truly live on in the whales to come after him..

Hmm...

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses. 
Lenny Bruce

the other side....

I need to belong to something.  It's always been that way.  I've belonged to my family, friends, girls, churches, juice crew, clubs, ministries, and groups.  It's not a weakness to need to belong.  It's part of creation.  But as with all things, too much can be bad.

We see proof of this in the midst of a "conflict."  Immediately people choose sides.  Running to what they know and are familiar with alongside like minded people.  This secures their need to belong and ensures they don't wind up alone.  All for a greater good of course...  Yes, why don't we rush to our sides and further this conflict to the point of no - return.  Along the way we can burn some bridges and dig some holes.  Ha ha.  If you can't tell by the tone of my typing my typical witty charm has been replaced by a darker sarcasm.  

I will not choose a side.  I would rather suffocate my need to belong than sign my soul over to any of you.  Indecision? No.  Selfish?  No.  Lazy?  No.  Maybe without sides we'd see each other closely enough to really love.  You're all crazy.  But I could be worse.... 

Well...

I've been sleeping very well lately.  My zeal for rest has become increasingly passionate.  My mornings are easy.  When it is time for my day I have recovered well. During the night I have dreams.  Good ones.  Sometimes I write them down and sometimes I just forget them.  I don't have nightmares.  Even if I did I do not scare easily.  I have many blankets, one of them is my favorite.  Goose down, 300 thread count, oversized king.   But I have more.  I like to bury myself.  I like the window open.  I can sleep through anything. 

I don't have a point.  I'm just really very tired.  I'm looking forward to my sleep.  Goodnight friends.

the illusion of human perception...

Not that I understand the human mind but it's simply the most complicated machine on the planet.  And the most powerful.  It has the ability to perceive, ponder, and process information. The ability to think, dream, and realize.  It can remember, and it can protect.  It has infinite capabilities, some of which we are not even aware of.  But perhaps the most impressive of all, is the ability to create reality through perception.  If I eat an orange, it is the mind that will convince me of the taste, the smell, the texture.  It is my mind that will let me know whether or not I am enjoying the orange.  Through the perception of the orange my mind convinces me that it is reality.  That's the way I was created to live.  It is impressive and wonderful.

So here is a truth.  Every moment of my life is an intimate interaction with the creator, the only change is my perception.  

As impressive as the human mind is, it is not infallible to error, or misperception.  Count it a blessing only your heart will be judged. 

A time for everything...

Just because I MISS being in eighth grade and having nothing to do but pretend to be cool doesn't mean I'm going to go squeeze back into my Ben Hill uniform.  Those days are over.  

Just because I MISS Sugar Ray doesn't mean I'm going to dig through my old cds.  Those days are over. 

Just because I MISS not having to work doesn't mean I'm going to move back home.  Those days are over.  

Just because I MISS Sonic The Hedgehog doesn't mean my sega works.  Those days are over.

Just because I MISS recess doesn't mean I can hang around the playground after lunch.  Those days are over.

Just because I MISS Santa Clause doesn't mean I'll be good. Those days are over.

Just because I MISS...

February

February is the shortest month of the year.  I better make it count.  

Detox...

I'm in the middle of a detox/fast diet.  I've had nothing but fruits and veggies for 4 days.  I have 6 days to go.  The reason being that typically I am very much aware of what I put in my body but for a few months I've been eating out more, going on vacations, skipping workouts, and the result being a loss of energy, focus, and overall well being.  So I decided a detox would allow me a fresh start with a new palette.  It's going great except for my overwhelming addiction to sugar.  I'm having dreams about red sour patch kids... 

I think it's weird how I trained myself to depend on something I really don't need.  What else don't I need that I absolutely can't live without?

Holes...

Today my thoughts wandered.  As if they were lost, but didn't really want to be found.  I ran across ideas, dreams, doubts, fears, colors, life, and death.  I couldn't spend more than a few moments dwelling on any of those without heading down a different path.  But one path stood out among the rest.  The further along I walked the more real it became.  

I saw myself digging a hole, with no intention, just digging.  I didn't seem happy to be digging, but I didn't seem unhappy either.  There was nothing special about the hole.  It was exactly what you'd expect.  I spent my life digging the hole.  And then I died in that hole.  

A depressing thought on a such a cloudy day and how it would be a horribly depressing post.  Whether saint or sinner, all share the same end.  The bottom of a hole with a shovel in your hand.  

But I think I may have found a treasure while I was digging.  Though it may not last forever I'll enjoy it today.  Lighten up.   I'm Adam.  You've been blogged.  

Float me...

I love the ocean.  There's no place I'd rather be on the this earth than near the ocean.  I'm in love with the warm water and the white sand of my chunk of the coast as a Floridian.  But it wasn't too long ago my heart belonged to another.  

I remember visiting my Grandma in Laguna Beach fairly often as a young child.  Rocky beach, cold water and an intense current.  Doesn't sound that great but I used to love testing my aquatic strength against the tide.  At ten years old each wave became a challenge to prove myself as a man.  For the most part I was pretty good at diving underneath the waves, floating over the rollers, and even occasionally body surfing a good set or two.  

But every so often I was humbled.  Apparently God didn't see fit for me to upstage nature with my display of bravery and heroism and would occasionally conjure up a rogue wave to deny my ambitions and crush me.  I remember on specific incident in which the wrath of God approached me in what seemed to be a 12 foot wall of water.  As the force of wave took me under I was tossed and turned and flipped and spun into a state of confusion and chaos.  I was held by the current.  I seemed to spend minutes under water.  I had no idea which way was up.  Even if I did know I was no match for the tide.  

It's been years since I found myself at the mercy of rogue wave.  But occasionally life sends one my way.  There's no way around it.  I can't make it over the top and I can't swim under it.  Suddenly I don't know which way is up.  

No matter how many times I got swallowed by the sea as a kid it always ended the same way.  Eventually I simply floated up to the surface.  Sometimes bruised and battered but always alive.  Right now I'm just waiting for nature to take it's course and float me.  

Adam says you've been blogged.  

More than meets the eye...

No matter how incredibly beautiful a woman is... somebody somewhere is sick of her crap...  Thank you Bubba The Lovesponge. 

Everything is getting old...

There are so many things on this earth that make me happy.  I find joy in the simplest of things at times.  It's not hard to smile.  

But things can change very fast for me.  At times it doesn't take much to depress me.  The smallest detail can send me into sorrow and longing.  

I never spend much time in the middle of these two places.  Seems to be one or the other.  I've come to embrace each season as growth.  But occasionally I don't change from season to season.  I change from moment to moment.  Like today.  I was excited, then discouraged.  I was content then disturbed.  I was at peace, and then unsettled.  I was happy then sad.  Days like today are hard for me.   I wander.  I cannot focus.  I cannot remember.  I cannot sit still.  Time stands still.  

Suddenly everything seems a little older...I'm Adam.  You've been blogged.

And the crash...

Life in the fast lane.  I seem to thrive here.  But I need to brake... for just a moment.  Maybe tomorrow.  I haven't checked my rear view mirror in a while.  I probably won't.  Tomorrow's looking good.  

Adam say you've been blogged.  

A blur...

The past week went by quicker than usual.  Which is good.  It was not that great.  For starters the weather... awful.  I enjoy the sunshine and the warm weather, this week neither showed up.  I was impatient with a conversation.  My eating habits were at best, "questionable" this week.  My sleeping patterns were unusual.  My typical lack of ability to focus on one thing was greatly increased by my sheer disregard for everything taking place around me... I scraped the bottom of my barrel.  I spaced out.  I couldn't skate on thursday.  I wasted time.  I dwelt on unanswerable questions... and I missed an opportunity.

But things have certainly turned around this weekend.  Yesterday I lived out a dream of mine.  We made a giant milkshake with power tools in the sink and ate it till we couldn't eat anymore.  Special thanks to my roomie and roomie's lady friend for helping make that dream a reality.  I went to a sick Monster Truck show.  Played an intense game of man hunt.  Stayed up really late having a great time.  Saw a lot of friends.  I'm going to ride a roller coaster today too...

I'm still here whether or not I'm having a good time or a bad time... so I might as well be cool either way.  I'm Adam.  You've been blogged.

Walk of faith...

They say the path to Heaven is narrow.  Wide is the path that leads to destruction.  I think this is true.  But we can't all walk the same path... i think each of us has own own narrow path to follow.  They may all lead to the same gate but each journey is different.  We should learn to enjoy each other when our paths cross, it could be the last time.  Be especially grateful if your paths cross again... Have a wonderful day!

I am Adam.  You've been blogged. 

Cocoa Surf Trip

This weekend we took off to the east coast to surf a little.  The coast to coast ride wasn't bad.  The top was off and it was warm and sunny.  I'm a little surprised my jeep made all the way without acting up.  The hotel was less then adequate for six people... but we had a good time...  

For a group of amatuer surfers we didn't do that bad... We had pretty nice sets rolling in all afternoon.   It was too freaking cold for my blood but we decided to stick it out one more session... it was the best ride of the day...

I had a great weekend.  I may need to do that again... I'm Adam.  You've been blogged.

The "magic" journal...

Almost every night I write down the things that I prayed for that day.  I've been doing this all year. So it's been like 10 days... .  I looked at the first day a few nights ago and already the prayers I had written on day one were answered.   So then I got to thinking.  What if every prayer I write down in this journal got answered?  Like it's some kind of "magic" journal.  I though to myself... the pages are pretty small and there's only enough room for a few sentences for each day so I better not waste any space on stupid prayers.  I better use this journal for the big stuff only.  Let's see... I could pray for the economy.  I could pray to end hunger, homelessness, or disease.  I could pray for world peace.  I mean I could really make a difference in this world with my "magic" journal.  

But I didn't pray for any of those noble causes.  When it came down to it I ended up writing the names of some people closest to me.  Next to their names I wrote what I wanted God to do for them.  

I guess the people around me mean more to me than I realized.  I thought saving the world might be at the top of my list.  Maybe it is.  Maybe my world is just smaller than I thought.    

Of course I don't have a "magic" journal.  That's crazy.

I am Adam.  You've been blogged.  

  

A new revolution...

I'm learning about myself.  It seems like I'm being forced to.  As it turns out there are certain situations that inevitably cause one's self to to take at look at... one's self.  Leaving a promising job with a "future" for something I believe in.   Navigating a "less than perfect" relationship.  Getting over the "less than perfect" relationship.  Fighting for something I never want to lose.  Being lonely.  Going too far.  Living some days with reckless abandon.  Questioning why?  Facing these has been like staring into a mirror trying to figure out who I'm looking at. 

I'm beginning to see who I am.  Well, little by little... and I love what I am finding.  I'm certainly not perfect.  But my flaws inspire me. I know I will spend the rest of my life looking inward and yet I'll probably never fully know myself.  But it's the journey that I love.  Not the destination.  I am worth it.  

Thomas Jefferson once said, "Every generation needs a new revolution."  What is mine?  Could I save the whales?  Go green?  Fight terrorism?  End hunger?  Cure cancer?  Hug a tree?  Fight global warming?  What will the textbooks of 2100 say about my generation?  How will I change tomorrow?  What will I fight for?  

What if I fought for myself?  What if my revolution was taking a break from saving the world and instead making sure I am okay with myself?  Perhaps I would be worth a little more to mankind if I was worth more to me.  Maybe instead of targeting what's wrong with the world and trying to fix it, I might focus on what I have to offer the world.  I think an entire generation of people who love themselves might be able to love each other with a far greater capacity than those before them.      

I'm over the bullshit.  It doesn't help anybody.  I don't love to see the bad.  I will live free.  Today I am excited.  I am Adam.  You've been blogged. 

Today was about...

What is today about?  Today has been thousands of years in the making.  All the events of history have been leading up to this day.  Tomorrow will be shaped by the happenings of today. 

Today was ordinary.  I found myself right where I expected to.  Nothing great happened.  I suppose nothing awful happened either.  But I smiled.  I remember laughing a lot today.  At nothing in particular.  I found happiness in simple things.  Thinking about somebody.  The sunshine.  Favorite song on the radio.  Sour patch kids.  Working with my own hands.  Driving with no windows.  Possibilities. 

Not everyday is like that.  So thank God for today.  Adam.  You've been blogged.

"I wash my hands of this wierdness..."

I have recently returned from a trip a friend of mine and I took to Key West.  In the months prior to arriving at the YANKEE FREEDOM II ferry docks at the end of Margaret Street we planned on spending a few days camping and relaxing in the Dry Tortugas.  The Dry Tortugas are a primitive chain of islands 70 miles west of Key West surrounded by coral reefs and crystal clear water. 

We arrived in Key West at approximately 3:45 in the morning.  After 8 straight hours of driving I decided to take a little nap.  So I pulled up a sleeping bag and a slab of concrete and caught some z's.  Everything that happened after that point was all part of very fortunate mistake.  Through a series of events we ended up not catching the ferry we had booked our travel with and we wound up homeless in Key West.  

For five days we slept in a parking garage and "roughed it" on the cold hard streets of the island.  I know it sounds tough, but believe it or not it happened to be just what I needed.  It turns out that the warm air, the clear skies, the slow pace, and key lime pie on a stick happened to be the perfect remedy for my illness.  

 You see, in the 5 or 6 months preceding my Key West adventure I found myself stuck in vicious cycle.  Not believing someone can eat away at a relationship like a cancer.  I felt like no one believed me.  I fell victim to the words spoken against me.  My mental and physical health literally declined as time went on.  I have not ever wept like that before.  I found that I had given myself to the mercy of my circumstances.  I allowed my environment to create me.    There was no point in trying to make sense of it all.  I just wanted to keep my head above water.

I think I packed all that baggage into my suitcase before I left for Key West.  But the sun was so hot down there I just forgot to bring it back with me.  Somewhere in between our corner of parking garage we called home and the beach I must have misplaced all that junk.  I thank God for it too... it's a new chapter in my book and I won't let anyone else write it for me.  

I feel better than ever.  I still have growing pains.  Scars? Definitely.  But it was all worth it.  Every minute of it.  I lived and loved and learned through it all.  NO REGRETS.  But I'm excited to move on.  I wash my hands of this weirdness.  It's behind me and I'm thankful for it.  

Thank you God for protecting me.  Thank you Key West.  Without your smile I might not have found mine.  

That basically sums up the wisdom I found last week.  I did keep somewhat of a journal while I was there and I am still working on translating it from paper to my blog.  I'll let you know when it's done.  Not like you care anyway...

Today I had fun.  My name is Adam.  You've been blogged.

New Year's Resolution

I've never been one to make New Year's Resolutions.  I suppose when you have the perfect life it proves difficult to create ways of improving upon the conditions of the previous year... or perhaps in reality I found my list of resolutions far lengthier than I'd like to admit and the sheer magnitude of the growth involved was too terrible to put myself through.  Whichever you decide to be true doesn't change the fact that making and breaking resolutions with each passing year has not been anywhere on my agenda.

Neither has blogging.  I suppose when you really have nothing to say about anything at all the idea of posting one's thoughts and expressions for all to read seems to be foolishness... or perhaps in reality I do have everything to say about everything to everyone but I fear the accountability to my words once I spill them all over mankind.  Whichever you decide to be true doesn't change the fact that previous to this point in time you would never find my name attached to anything slightly resembling a blog.  

However, in keeping with the only constant in this universe all that has changed.  My New Year's Resolution for 2008 is to create and maintain my very own blog.  Why?  I'm not really sure... I think I'll learn that mystery as I go... maybe it's a way of communicating with myself in front of everyone else?  "Why?" doesn't matter this time.  I simply extend the invitation to all to read to your heart's desire.  

Today I began a new journey.  This is my first post.  Stay tuned for exerpts from the Key West journal.  I am Adam.  You've been blogged.